On Tour... the dissenting voice!
Can I do this? That’s the question that lurches towards me as the first date of our tour looms. Though I know the answer to it, the ever present voice of doubt gets its day (or days) in the sun about now. Myself and countless performers before me have wrestled with that voice and tried to understand its purpose.
What could possibly be a constructive reason for the repeated resurgence of this dissenting demon? Why is a voice that would have you permanently hiding in some kind of self preservation safe zone, never daring to leave, so prominent at the moment when you need it least? I can’t believe that there lies in us something so mean and counter productive. Especially when to defy it brings such fulfilment. How can this voice be so blind to those outcomes? Its irresistible to describe it as some kind of evil.
I’m more inclined to think that it is all part of the master plan and that my sub conscious is choosing this rather contrary method to alert me to the procedures required to counter the anxiety and perform at my best. And so the onus is on me to turn my body into a temple of performance dedicated to the task I have to undertake.
Bristol, the first concert on 22nd April will be a mark of how well I respond to the challenge of the next two weeks. It will be a reflection of how many surplus elements I manage to eliminate that meddle with the connection between myself, the music and the band.
I know that my nervous disposition does have a knock on effect on poor Rex and Evan. The predominant dynamic amongst us pre show time is definitely nervous energy. For someone as traditionally laid back as Evan, this is quite some achievement on my part. I manage to bring about a twitchiness in him that I think even he can’t quite fathom. Rex is also someone who has both a natural and practised mastery over his nerves. His preparation and knowledge of the task at hand is both of the highest quality and something that myself and Evan rely upon to balance the ship. Left to my own devices I think I’d retire to a corner of the room and contemplate various degrees of nausea, but the combined ingredients of our personalities and a desire not to show any weakness have lead us to the accepted medium of shouting.
This generally involves pelting out a series of high pitched Spike Milliganesque voices at full volume in the dressing room. It really acts as a vehicle for extending and highlighting the absurdity of the situation we find ourselves in. The performance arena is after all just that, absurd; when you think about it that is…. And I am currently.
However, when those first welcoming sounds of applause and expectation emerge from just beyond the darkness, that will signal the last hurrah for the doubt which has hold of me now. What happens beyond that moment is a combination of many things, most of which are unquantifiable. But for those elements which I can control, I know that I will have given my whole self in order to deliver them in the best way I can. Playing live means more to me than most anything else. That is my blessing and my curse; and it is the ferocity of that passion which fuels the doubt with equivalent levels of voracity.
Anyway, when you watch three seemingly measured professionals arrive on stage in a couple of weeks time, know that just moments before we were shouting, nauseous imbeciles. Well I was anyway.
TICKET LINKS FOR ‘ENTITY’ TOUR DATES 2025 (so far)
22nd April Bristol St Georges tickets
23rd April Birmingham Bradshaw Hall tickets
26th April Gateshead The Glasshouse tickets
27th April Manchester RNCM tickets
1st May Southampton Turner Sims tickets
3rd May Saffron Walden Saffron Hall tickets
4th May Leeds Howard Assembly Room tickets
5th May Cheltenham Jazz Festival tickets
10th May Haarlem NL PHIL tickets
11th May The Hague NL PAARD tickets
17th May Munich GER Unterfahrt SOLD OUT
18th May Freiburg GER Jazzhaus tickets
20th May Dresden GER Jazzclub Tonne tickets
21st May Berlin GER Gretchen tickets
22nd May Olomouc CZ MUO Central tickets
23rd May Trutnov CZ Koncertni sal Bohuslava CZ tickets
24th May Prague CZ Palac Akropolis tickets
13th June Cardiff RWCMD tickets
19th June Kendal Brewery Arts tickets
4th July Jazz a Semur FR tickets
6th July Love Supreme Festival UK tickets
Dear Niel,
The only thing I can say…of course you will pull this one of. You always do, you have always done it. And if you still have doubts, think of this. No one in the audience, wherever in Europe, can play the music the way you, Rex and Evan play it…NOBODY. So, whatever you play, how you play it, we will always be in awe of your performance.
Hope these simply words calm your dissenting voice down a little, have faith and you will as always be fine.
So, can you do this? YES YOU CAN!!
Can’t wait to see you guys again, this time in Cardiff. I’ll fly over with Maryia to come see you.
Regards.
Joeri
Neil, you can do this, of course you can, be nervous but don't torture yourself! The gig in London was just outstanding and as well received as I woulkd have expected - you have a loyal and devoted following and the three of you will have a great future. We were there in London and it was absolutely amazing, and we'll be at Bradshaw Hall - really looking forward to it!